She's a year older

My older daughter is nearly a teen. We had a fun birthday party for her that was similar to a "How to Host a Murder" party. I was the "king" character, who was killed. They had to decide (via a trial) who did it. It seemed that everyone enjoyed the role playing. However, as the ONLY guy in the party I was quite happy to "die" and then retire to the garage to re-wire the power supply to my car stereo. (After 17 years it was not sending full voltage to the power amplifier - but NOW it is! Gotta love 10-gauge wire!) After being around all that estrogen I just had to do something "guy-ish" - YES, I'LL WORK ON MY CAR! I had the carpet lifted up, and even had the rear seat out of the car. It was cool to fire it up correctly the first time! I also gave the Mazda an oil change. Just had to inject some testosterone into my day.

It has always seemed funny to me that the Lord saw fit to give my sister 3 sons, and to give me two daughters. Guess we both have to get our relationships with the other gender right, eh?

My older daughter is becoming ever more beautiful - and ever more mystifying. Some of it is just pre-teen stuff. More of it, methinks, is that she's becoming a young woman, while I remain a "guy." Ever shall it be...

State of the Union

Politics is a bucket of manure. Some of the content, and MUCH of the reaction to, the State of the Union address compels me to state this (obvious) observation.

You may be familiar with this quote by the Scotsman Alexander Fraser Tytler:
"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy followed by a dictatorship."

How far along this path are we? Tytler proposed that most "great civilizations" collapse in about 200 years.

I make no apology for stating that I am a conservative, politically. There are aspects of provision for those who need help that I believe government should provide, but I believe that such provision (except in cases of genuine disability) should be TEMPORARY. I believe that we, as a society, have abdicated a LOT of personal responsibility. Nearly everything is someone else's fault. Pathetic. And the two biggest drains on the federal budget point to this - of course, I'm talking about Social Security and Medicare/Medicaid. Again - there are situations where assistance should be provided, even long-term. But NOT because someone was too stinkin' lazy to plan for the future. And certainly not the pyramid scheme that is Social Security. As a governmental policy - what a load of garbage! Not to mention that SS is just a bunch of IOUs from the stupid congress that cannot seem to find the integrity to leave that money alone! Please!

And for that matter - 401k plans and IRAs have simply deferred the crisis, and maybe even made it worse later on. Think about it. When the Baby Boom generation starts retiring en masse in just a few years, they will be FORCED to withdraw from their mutual funds (which is what those two "investments" really are) whether they actually need the money (or the amount of money) or not. Over 10-18 years, as more and more of the boomers are FORCED to do this, what do you think will happen to the stock market? It will go DOWN, DOWN, DOWN!!! Unless the laws change, I believe that a deep depression (not a recession) is headed our way. Prepare now, and be ready (and able) to get your money OUT (cash IS a position, just like stocks are).

You have been warned...

Central themes...

Becky perceived a central theme from reading this entire blog. First of all, wow, that you would even bother with reading all of this. Second, you're exactly correct.

It may well be the central theme of my "adult" life (in quotes because I may never actually consider myself an adult!) that I wrestle with my church heritage. While it is always easy to criticize, and hindsight is 20/20, etc. - I really do wrestle with my church heritage. The certainty with which we have stated positions (which were really INTERPRETATIONS). Our insistence, not only on being right, or striving to be right, but that we ARE right. The black-and-white way (not racial, but binary) things were/are taught. My own journey of faith has not led me to many of the same conclusions or interpretations that I was given. In fact, the very idea that I call them "interpretations" rather than "truth" would send some folks over the edge!

Not surprisingly, there are (at least) two teachings that I simply do not agree with. The first is that God cares at all whether or not we use musical instruments (I just LOVE that they're referred to as "mechanical instruments." Good grief...). The second (as the father of daughters) is the way we have disallowed women to have a voice.

Another aspect of my church heritage that I think is an absolute SIN is the way we've treated people who honestly disagree with us, especially about the aforementioned issues. We've made EVERYTHING a test of fellowship, a condition of salvation. (I have experienced this personally.) There is simply NO WAY that this is the way of Jesus. We've lived in fear - fear of being wrong (even in one tiny issue, which is all it would take to send us to...), fear of God (in an unhealthy, paranoid, inconsistent with revelation sense), fear of success and blessing, fear of growth, fear of change. We've turned inward, and in many ways forsaken the mission of Jesus for the sake of preserving "truth" (meaning our interpretations of scripture) and "the church" (meaning our tribe, the ONE TRUE CHURCH *sigh*). We have fallen more in love with the Bible than with Jesus. We have worshiped the word rather than the Word.

I want to repent of ALL of this. I have spent years trying to, trying to remain in this fellowship yet be an agent of change without being an agent of disunity. I don't know how I'm doing in this regard - but I'm not at a destination, I'm on a journey. I'm trying to be like Jesus in my family and raise my children to have a faith of their own. I am ABSOLUTELY not "there" yet, but I am certain that He will welcome me home when the time comes.

Becky, thanks for taking the time to read all of this - you honor me. As I say in the heading, I'm doing this to get to know myself a bit better. Even stating some of this today helps in that regard.

Transitions and Expectations

Transitions are happening at BH. One of our elders resigned yesterday, recognizing that a lack of interpersonal skills were making him ineffective in the role. I deeply respect this decision, as it shows a humility and respect for the responsibility of an elder. To be really honest - I also agree with his assessment.

Though I do not know what is coming, it is my understanding that "big things" will be announced this coming Sunday. I'm trying to be optimistic - but I'm not over the learned dread from the past few years. I am still absolutely convinced that the eldership and I are not "on the same page" with where BH needs to go, and how to get there. I am SO OVER so many of the specific implementations of scripture interpretation in the traditional CoC, but at this point do not feel that I have any options other than prayer and patience. I guess those are Spirit-fruit type things, so I suppose I should be glad, right?

One moment that just made my day yesterday. I led the worship in song yesterday, and just as the "preacher man" got up to speak, a young lad (maybe 3 years old) ran across the front of the seats and came to me. He gave me a hug and said, "That sure was some great singin'! Thanks!" Then he ran back to his parents. This child has the gift of encouragement IN SPADES! Even now I'm overwhelmed by his wonderful gesture. Thank you, Lord!

Relevance

I read Mike Cope's post today and it really struck a chord. Though I do not share Sam Harris' perspectives or conclusions, I do (well, I aspire to) understand his struggle. In some ways Christians have been their own worst enemy. Perhaps in many ways. I absolutely believe this to be true regarding my tribe (the CoC) as well. Honestly - the very idea that a "change agent" would be a danger is to not know Jesus! Good grief! If there is anyone in my life who does not want to leave me as I am it is Him!!! (He accepts me as I am, but refuses to leave me this way.) So often we operate our faith out of NOTHING OTHER THAN FEAR. This, I believe, is at least brushing along the border of sin, if not firmly into that territory.

I guess what frustrates me is that I do not know either the path or the destination to address these concerns - but then, I guess that's why it is called a journey of faith, right?

God, please grant me the faith to journey with you. To walk through the doors that You open without fear or hesitation. To trust that You will fully meet my needs, and will put me to my best use, for Your glory.

Something to celebrate

My time "home alone" with Natalie is coming to a close. Today we celebrate 16 years of marriage - I am SO blessed by this woman! Though the quiet in the house has been foreign, it has also been good (for a brief while). We will both be glad to have our girls home again, but I have enjoyed this brief time with just her.

Our plans tonight include a nice dinner at a new restaurant in Acworth, followed by an end-of-run play in downtown Marietta - "A Sanders Family Christmas." I've heard so many good things about this play, including BST's mentions of it being performed at Otter Creek, so we're looking forward to it. This is the second year we've attended a play on our anniversary - perhaps this is our new tradition. I kinda like that, if it is.

I head to Raleigh tomorrow for my class, and the girls get home tomorrow. Pray for travel mercies for us all.

Discoveries

It is interesting what you discover when your life situation changes - even temporarily.

We are kid-free for this week, and have been since we returned. We have relaxed, we have gotten things done, we have had some good times and good conversations. The house is, however, SO quiet...

One thing that has come from our conversations is that we have (individually) had the thought that we need to be more involved in other people's lives (in a healthy way, of course). In earlier times (in Richmond) we had a couple families we spent a lot of time with - sharing meals, just hanging out, etc. We really have not had this since we moved down to BH. Some of the reason is simply due to the kids, and all the activities we have going on for/with them. Nonetheless, we both feel that need, but are not sure how to fill it. Likely this is a situation for focused prayer. When those relationships developed before, it was an "organic" sort of thing, not forced at all. We certainly do not want to have any kind of "friends audition" thing. But we do feel a need.

Regardless, I'm sure that a lot will get done this week. It will be interesting now that I am returning to work. I do hope my Beloved does not go stir-crazy! (or start throwing LOTS of stuff away in a mad cleaning/purging episode...) She is certainly more industrious than I.

May the God of all peace guide our hearts in this new year and always.